All Theatrical Roads lead to Cheltenham

I get around a bit on my theatrical travels. St Albans, Sidmouth, Eaton Bray? Been everywhere, man. Sometimes I even push out the boat to Luton but, given soaring petrol prices and pot holed roads, I ration my visits. That’s my excuse anyway. But the A5 to Dunstable and B653 to Wheathampstead are regularly worn in search of theatrical gems, adventurous soul that I am. Always worth it if I see a cracker (And Then There Were None, Calendar Girls) and even the lesser ones are rarely totally devoid of interest. Theatre is like that if it is in your blood. And it constantly surprises. High expectations are fulfilled or dashed in equal proportions and low expectations are sometimes pleasantly and wonderfully surpassed. And I reckon all, or most of them, have their directors scratching their heads in puzzlement. Something that seemed a whiz bang hit in rehearsals fails to leave the page in performance and the one they considered a complete turkey suddenly gels and flowers. If they are honest they, or the best of them, are never sure which way the play or musical will go until they flaunt it in front of an audience. Fate is so fickle.

It’s the same with horses. The best of them, those that are fit that is, will strut their own personal stage at my beloved Cheltenham in the second week of March. Some will live up to expectations, some will exceed them, and many others will leave their trainers scratching heads and forthcoming entries. But for four days the finest National Hunt horseflesh on the planet will clash swords in twenty seven of the finest races. To put it all into context NH horses are rated 0-175 and there will not be many with a rating under 130 running at Prestbury Park. And the latter only in the handicaps or novice events. In the top races 150 would probably put you in as a likely also ran. Kauto Star (retired) and Big Bucks (injured) are two goliaths who won’t be there but there are enough other super stars to compensate. Sprinter Sacre (rated 179) is no doubt the best of them and the Queen Mother Champion Chase on Wednesday is considered a shoe-in for this awesome beast. Quevega, Simonsig, and Hurricane Fly (Champion Hurdle favourite) are just a few of the other superstars who will get the pulse racing. Even if, at prohibitive odds, you ain’t backed them. In the latter Rock on Ruby may surprise again. For me, well I like bigger prices and hopefully a couple of the following may swell my personal satchel. Even if they don’t, like those actors or plays which don’t shine when they should, I shall still love them.

Haven’t a clue about Friday’s Gold Cup at the moment (it looks wide open, but don’t tell Sir Des Champs and Bobsworth) but reckon Kentford Grey Lady could give Quevega a shove in the Mares Hurdle and I like First Lieutenant (win) and Alberta’s Run (e/w) in the Ryanair Chase. Both races on the Thursday and old Bertie is my blog poster horse. 12 years old and won around £1,000,000. He owes nobody anything and this could be his last race. Certainly at Cheltenham. He needs good going. So if it rains he may put his feet up and watch it on the telly. I shall certainly be doing that. And if Empiracle (currently 8/1) wins the bumper on Wednesday I shall be counting my dosh and toasting a very nice Harpenden man who has backed it to win £5,000. I’ll only win about £50 but I shall be ecstatic for both of us. And if it loses I won’t care, at least for me if not him, as the adrenalin will pump in glorious anticipation. And that is what it is all about. Theatre and horseracing do that to you. And in March at Cheltenham the horse eclipses all. On four unrivalled days it is the nearest you will get to heaven whilst you still reside on earth. Those wonderful equine actors have brushed up their lines and honed their characters (hero or villain) in a script yet to be written for a play yet to unfold.  As some folks say, bring it on. Roy Hall

The Cheltenham National Hunt Festival  

Tues 12^th March – Fri 15^th March 2013

Channel Four

January Blues

   

I hate January. The days are short and dull, and the cold nights crank up the gas bills. The media is obsessed by looking back to the past or, even worse, studying the navel of the many things to come. And 2012 gives them a plethora of opportunities. On top of the usual prediction circus we now get endless hypes for our Olympic or Diamond Jubilee year. I can just about cope with Mo Farrah or Miss Adlington but any more in depth studies on our cyclists and rowers and I shall throw a few whisky glasses at the radio. As for Liz, I shall enjoy her celebrations but I am getting fed up with them being rammed down my throat. Worst of all, Christmas being wrapped and stored for another year, my beloved horseracing stars put their equine feet up.

It’s all the fault of Cheltenham. That four days in March in the Cotswolds is our annual Olympics and any jumping gee gee with half a chance on the sacred turf of Prestbury Park is swathed in cotton wool and pampered better then any pop star. You can’t blame the connections. Most of the twenty odd races would headline a normal Saturday afternoon. And the best, Gold Cup, Champion Hurdle, Arkle, Queen Mother, World Hurdle, are the stuff of dreams. You can keep the Derby and the Arc. Cheltenham in March is what it is all about. So for the likes of Kauto Star, Big Bucks, Masterminded, Long Run, Hurricane Fly and others it is endless days at Champneys or wherever they keep them. We get a brief flurry on Trials Day at the end of the month but for most of January racing is the bread and butter affair of the Market Rasens and Huntingdons. Snobs that they are most nags rated 150 or better wouldn’t be seen dead at such racecourses.

I am therefore relying on local theatrical stars to give the next few weeks a bit of a lift. I don’t do Gang Shows so will give Harpenden’s sixty third a swerve and if I am missing a treat I apologise. Welwyn’s Barn Theatre and St Alban’s Company of Ten rarely figure on my radar so I have no idea what they are doing. I should get out more as on my occasional sorties in their direction I have usually been impressed. Looking forward to Wheathampstead’s ‘Time of My Life’, an Ayckbourn I have never seen, but that is in the remote mists of Mid February so hardly qualifies as an antidote to January blues. Nevertheless I hope it is good because at their best they seriously entertain. And they are overdue a good crit from me. Might even get me on their web page.

But to get the juices going I am having to rely on my old friends at Dunstable Rep. Their third production this season is Tennessee Williams ‘Cat on a Hot Tin Roof’. Once you have attuned your ear to the southern drawl, and I don’t mean Watford, his plays can be compelling. Chris Lavin directs and I hope he does it justice. Following that Luton Light guest at the same theatre for Sondheim’s ‘A Little Night Music’. As my favourite theatre evening of all time was the National’s version of this with Judi Dench, Sian Phillips, and Patrica Hodge they are under no pressure. Unlike Kauto, Big Bucks, and Long Run. Last seen fanning themselves on some exotic and distant beach.

Cat on a Hot Tin Roof – Dunstable Little Theatre Fri 20^th to Saturday 28^th January. No performance Wed 25th. 7.45pm Tickets £12 and £10

A Little Night Music – Dunstable Little Theatre Tues 31^st January to Saturday 4^th February. 7.45pm. (Sat matinee – 3.00pm) Tickets £12

Time of My Life – Wheathampstead Memorial Hall 16^th to 18^th February 8.00pm Tickets £8.

Cheltenham NH Festival – Tues 13^th to Friday 16^th March (Channel Four) Tickets priceless.

Old Friends................Absent Friends

I love my horseracing and have recently been banging in a few juicy priced winners to enhance the fun. No begging letters please, I get enough of those from my wife. But my equine October highlight was meeting one of my heroes in the flesh. That’s him in the picture, the good looking one. Albertas  Run. Superstar gelding of Jonjo O’Neill.  Winner of 15 races, including a few top ones, and nearly £1,000,000 in prize money. Favourable circumstances conspired to get me a visit to Jackdaws Castle training stables in the Cotswolds on the day before Bertie won the Old Roan Chase at Aintree. I am sure it was the pat on the head I gave him. Either that or my hat. For those interested in such things I went with a close friend who was so taken by it all she promptly purchased one of his unraced companions. Whether it will be an Albertas Run (rated 170) or a Quixall Crossett (google him) only history will tell. Not that it matters. Both of them, and all the other darlings are heroes to someone. That’s why I love horseracing.

I also love theatre or I do when it is good. Among my favourite playwrights is Scarborough superstar Alan Ayckbourn (no raceform rating) and his best plays have a comic cruelty which is exquisite. I prefer his earlier stuff to the later ones and one of the former is the minor masterpiece Absent Friends. Five friends in fragile relationships arrange a tea party for a recently bereaved sixth. A simple premise but Ayckbourn conducts a writing masterclass in wringing every ounce of comedy and pathos from the situation. I love the play so much that I have directed it twice in the last thirty years. My wife, the one who writes the begging letters, is directing a new production of it in Harpenden at the end of the month and giving it an interesting theatrical twist. Aficionados of Ayckbourn in Scarborough will know that all his plays are performed ‘in the round’ but rarely get done like that on local circuits and certainly not in the West End. But this one gets that chairs on the floor treatment. I can’t review it for obvious reasons. But I can give it a preliminary pat on the head. And we all know what that did for Albertas Run. Go see it. I don’t think you will be disappointed.  Roy Hall

High Street Players

Absent Friends by Alan Ayckbourn

Directed by Frances Hall

Wed 23^rd – Fri 25^th November 2011 8.00pm

High Street Methodist Church, Harpenden

Tickets £8.00 (Tel 01582 763277)